Sunday, December 23, 2012

How can you tell?

In my opinion, American girls have lost a lot of their femininity by evolving into a logical species, unlike their female counterparts from Ukraine, Russia, and Moldova. Ukrainian girls, Russian girls, Moldovan girls, and any other FSR girls are quite intuitive in my opinion. Many of them could blow up like a volcano on less than a moment's notice. Often times, I find their thought process or their decision making process devoid of logic.

I grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio, lived in central Florida three separate times throughout my life, spent more than 13 years living in southern California, and even lived in Illinois and spent quite a bit of time in Chicago. So, I feel my experience has been broad enough to draw some conclusions based on what I've seen an observed about American women.

All Ukrainian girls are searching for love, similar to every other girl on the planet. However, they want to find that one guy who staggers their heart with a sucker punch of love. They want to feel that special feeling all girls feel when they fall in love.

A psychologist might call this feeling addiction, but a romantic would most certainly label it love. I had a client here in Odessa Ukraine recently from Idaho who only communicated with a small list of Ukrainian girls, Russian girls, and Ukrainian girls and finally decided on one from Moldova. This particular girl was actually from Transnistria. The Moldovan girl and our man from Idaho had been communicating via an internet dating website for almost 6 months. During that time, this man believed he had developed feelings for the Moldovan girl. So, he arranged and paid for her and her translator to visit Odessa for a week in order to meet them both. He was not a wealthy man. He was middle class at best, after after a divorce, he had been financially hit hard.

Just imagine the cost of this little venture. After spending at least $1,000 on the website in order to communicate with this Moldovan girl, he paid about $100 per day in hotel room, about the same in food, and more in entertainment over the week he was here. Let's just say, minus the expenditures on the website, he probably spent about $4,500. Unfortunately, he started having feelings for this Moldovan girl right away, However, she didn't feel the same way. I understand enough about human behavior and the thought process of FSR (Former Soviet Republic) girls to tell you this girl was not interested in this man at all. He was not her type.

The expectations of our guy from Idaho were similar to the expectations I had when i first started dating Ukrainian girls 4 years ago, and I think they are similar to the expectations most Americans would have when dating. Any American guy would expect that spending 6 months communicating via the internet would have been enough for a girl to decide she is interested, and of course, meeting you would be enough impetus to move the relationship forward to the next step. By the next step, I mean some kind of physical affection, hugging, kissing, cuddling, and much more. However, that is not the expectation for Moldovan girls, Ukrainian girls, or Russian girl.

Western men, need to understand that these girls have been meeting guys like us, western men, for more than 15 years. We all understand that the vast majority of those meetings do not end with a happily ever after marriage or story of love. Because of this history, the culture of an FSR girl has evolved into a natural reaction of extreme caution A Ukrainian girl, a Russian girl, or a Moldovan girl rarely allows herself the freedom to instantly become attached or fall in love. She will proceed slowly, and the reality is, all of those letters, and all of that money spent on the website only gives you the right to go out a few dates with her in order to begin to examine if the two of you are compatible, that is all.

The next point to consider is the continued disappointment that men have created for FSR girls over the last 100 years in this culture, it becomes much more clear that a Ukrainian girl, a Russian girl, or a Moldovan girl will not usually move quickly to bond or connect or jump into consummating her relationship with an American or western man.

Coming to Ukraine can and will perpetually disappoint most western or American men. When our expectations are not met, we feel down and even disenchanted and angry.This is why I believe "having no expectations" is imperative to successfully finding and more importantly, to successfully keeping a marriage or relationship alive between an FSR girl and an American or western man.

Get here and meet her. Understand that nothing you do on a website can build a relationship better than being here in person and spending time with a Ukrainian girl, Russian girl, or Moldovan girl.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Ukrainian Girl

So, I have a wonderful young girl working with me. She is about 24 years old, Ukrainian born, but her father was born in a Muslim country. She lives with her brother, and her mother bugs her every day, trying to control her, and get her to do what mother wants and what mother thinks is the right thing to do. What this girl wants to do is to be around me, be inspired by me, and work with me to help the men that I am helping.

She has slept over a few times, but only as friends. And, now, of course, I have a crazy mother and brother visiting me this evening telling me that their crazy father is going to come after me if I don't back off of being with her. She is spending too much time over my house, and her behavior looks bad because she is half Muslim and...... so on and so forth. I am sure you have all heard this story before. Controlling  parents, girl trying to rebel and figure out her own way in the world. Girl wanting to choose her own path in life and her own man.

So, yesterday, this Ukrainian girl started working for me helping me with my website. There is limitless amounts of work to do on my website and I need someone who can just sit there and do the work. Thank God she can. However, she needs to be near me to learn what she needs to do and how to handle various situations.

Well, this has not gone over well with her family because she has either been working at my home, attending English school, helping me with a client, or eating a meal with me. So, it was comical to see mother and little brother come into my home huffing and puffing looking for a fight.

When they entered, I had opera playing. I had slippers waiting for them to put their feet since it is polite to take off your shoes when entering someone's home in Ukraine. They tried the subconscious rejection of my offer - trying to show that they were here to be serious by saying "no" and not putting on any slippers. Fine, i noticed that.

Then, mother proceeded to tell me how her daughter's behavior looked bad, and even though she may be 24 years old, the reality is that she is just a little girl, like 10 years old. I calmly listened, and asked the mother a series of questions.

Do you feel that you have done a good job teaching your daughter? Answer, not great, but as good as I could.

Do you trust your own ability to make decisions? Answer, yes

If you trust your ability to make decisions, then I trust your daughter's ability to make decisions because she learned from you and if she wants to spend time here and with me, then I trust that she is making a good decision.

Mother's answer, 'well she is just a baby'.

I asked, 'do you know what I am doing here?'

I proceeded to explain that for the past 16 years I have been studying human behavior and the thinking of men and women. I also continued that there isn't anyone on the Earth that understands your daughter's thoughts and feelings better than I do. I continued that my intentions are positive here. I am trying to help people, and your daughter wants to be a part of something good. She wants to help others. Why is that bad?

Of course, mother continued about how bad this looks, etc, etc, etc. I never wavered, asked her if she were open to a new point of view, offered new points of view, and mother just continued to reiterate her points. She didn't know what to do with me because I never got upset, nor angry, no loud. She had never experienced an argument like that. However, I know that I did not change her mind. I did get her to agree with me, which she did not want to do.

The father wants to meet me, but the daughter doesn't want that because she doesn't trust him to behave in a rational manner. I have not even sold many books yet, or made much money yet and I have to deal with this type of drama??? Too funny and ironic. Well, lessons must be learned how to handle problems like these. This one will disappear soon enough, but there will be others. People always seem to find a reason to get upset, angry, or be jealous of something. Remember these words from my book, 84% of the planets people attack, defend, rationalize, justify, or blame other for problems.

16% of people have the courage to be honest with themselves and consider the possibility of taking responsibility for anything that happens wrong. I created this situation, now it is my job to diffuse the situation and learn my lessons from it.

I hope you enjoyed today's installment of Santa Barbara.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Ukrainian Girls - Blinded by Beauty

Originally posted July 31st, 2012

I went into this endeavor with the express intention of helping people. Unfortunately, not everyone is open to my help. Yesterday, I was with my American friend who also speaks Russian at McDonald's on Derebosivskaya, and while we were walking, he spotted an American with a tall pretty girl and an ugly translator in tow. My buddy walks right up to him and says, "We're here to save you from THOSE two girls!"

I almost started laughing right then and there!

I could see that this guy was not quite ready to open his eyes and open his mind yet. He said that he has been to Ukraine twice before, and only dealt with girls from that big website that I will not mention by name. However, he is finally realizing that the letters he sent were never read by the girls he though he was talking to.

He told us that his goal was to meet a girl within 30 days, spend an additional 30 days with her, and then get her to come back to America with him as his wife. He is clearly not really  understanding how Ukrainian girls think. I sent him a link to my blog and a portion of my book, but he has not touched those yet.

He did call me today, and I invited him to my school so that he could begin to see real Ukrainian girls who are not just money hungry and in a race to see what they can get, receive, or take from American men. He sat in my classes for almost 90 minutes.

I then introduced him to Alla. I have mentioned Alla in my book. She is the sweetest woman in the world. She is in her early 50s, and in the last 4 years, she has introduced many, many couples and had 24 marriages. In fact, when she talks to other small agencies, they tell her that they are happy if they have one marriage per year. She only averages about two male clients per week, and she has still had 24 marriages in the 4 years she has been a working matchmaker. Astonishing!!!

So, we are trying to help our American friend open his mind and open his heart on how to find and keep a Ukrainian girl. Good luck with that one.

Ukrainian Girls Cultural Differences

Originally posted August 14, 2012

I have thought about getting business cards made for a long time. About two weeks ago, I realized I was ready to buy business cards. An American friend of mine recommended a place in the city center, about a 20 minute walk from where I live. He took me there to check it out and to pick up a batch of his cards. He told me not to use the girl to design my cards because it was too expensive at this particular store. However, while he was talking to the manager, I ended up sitting down and starting to give my ideas to the design girl. She helped me with my design and told me to come back in a couple of days to confirm she had produced something I wanted and liked. That was on a Friday.

I came back Monday with my assistant and friend so she could translate for me. My American friend was also with me and we decided on the design and the order. That took about 90 minutes. I could see that I had taken longer with the designer than most people, but they were ok with that. However, when it came time to chose the paper for the cards, this is when things got quite interesting. The manager had a swatch of about 125 types of paper. I definitely didn't want the cheap, normal, thin, glossy, one sided card. I prefer a good quality card. So, as we looked through these swatches, I chose about 12 different types and asked about the prices. What I found was that this shop didn't know the price of any of the types of paper for business cards. In fact, they didn't even know if they could get each of the different types of paper. So, with each choice I asked, a girl had to make a specific phone call. I wish you could see the faces of the manager, the girl who had to make the phone calls, and the girl who was with me.

They had obviously never had to go through this process before. In America, this is a normal process. All of these prices are already prepared, and the shop assistant can answer all of these questions on the spot in order to facilitate a faster transaction. The point I am trying to make is that actually asking questions and finding out all possible choices before deciding on which one is best for the customer is completely outside their reality. This is a busy shop, and yet, they had never experienced this type of customer before. I could see the physical and mental exhaustion on the manager as she continued to help me make my choices.

This thinking, and asking questions, and trying to see new points of view, and trying to understand all of your choices - this type of thinking is outside the reality of many people here. That is one of the reasons I love my school. Because my English school is more expensive than most, we do not get a lot of simple people in our school. I taught at an extremely cheap school 3 years ago, and the clientele in this school was completely different than the clientele I deal with now. I prefer being around people who can actually think and who can create an independent thought.

This is important for you to understand that as you try to find your special someone, that Ukrainian girl or Russian girl of your dream, you need to pay attention and give these types of things some thought. I hope this information helps you.

Ukrainian Girl Shows Up

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, I finish teaching at school at about 830 in the evening. This particular evening, I had just finished teaching, printed the copies for my exercise folders, and was at the receptionists desk checking students homework and about to head home when a very pretty girl came up behind me and said, "Hello Vincent! It is good to see you. Can we talk?"

I remember this Ukrainian girl, but I cannot remember her name. In fact, I hadn't seen her for about 9 months, So, I took her into one of our small classrooms, sat her down, and we started to talk. As she started to talk I remembered that she had worked at the Children's store below our school in the same building. I used to flirt with her quite a bit. But, she told me that I needed to stay away from her because she had a psycho, Middle Eastern boyfriend who hit her, was insanely jealous, and who controlled her life. She even switched to Islam for this man.

I had thought about this 22 year old Ukrainian girl last week, wondering if I should send her a text message since I realized I had not seen her in the store for quite some time. Well, she shared with me that she had quit working at the Children's store, gotten rid of her last phone, and moved back home to her parents house in a small town just outside of Kiev in order to get away from this guy. Now, apparently, things had calmed down, she had a new phone, a new job, and had returned to Odessa. She needed help, and of all people, she remembered me.

She wanted the phone number of another American I've met a few times who owns a hostel here. She needs an inexpensive place to say. My phone was at home charging, and although I didn't have his number, I had people on my phone who I thought would be able to give us his number. So, we took the three minute walk home to my apartment, and when she came in, she waited by the door. This Ukrainian girl was too uncomfortable to come inside. Finally, after a minute or two, she came inside and I showed her around. There was no flirtation, there was only apprehension and fear on her part. I showed her the extra room I have, and offered it to her for the next three weeks if it would help her to re-establish herself here in Odessa, but I am sure she isn't going to take it.

It took me some time and a few phone calls and a little waiting to track down this guy's number, but she just had to get out of my apartment. I could feel her antsiness. She was insanely uncomfortable. So, she left to go to where she is staying now. As quickly as she came in, she left. Nine months nothing, and then Bam! She's there. Then, one moment later, Bam! She's gone! I know I feel lucky and blessed I have become that specific guy who girls feel comfortable coming to in need. However, there is also a side of me who resents that side of me because I always seem to be alone despite all of my knowledge, wisdom, hard-work, and selflessness.

I guess that is why I am writing this blog, so that you guys out there do not have to spend your time alone like me. I hope someone finds this blog useful or helpful.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Ukrainian Girls

There are a series of misconceptions that have been formed about Ukrainian girls over the past 15 years and I would like to begin to dispel some of those myths. First, let's try to start from the beginning. There are over 1,000 dating websites, marriage agencies, and mail order bride websites claiming they can help men find the beautiful young Ukrainian girl of their dreams. These agencies and websites also claim they have the best and prettiest Ukrainian girls. Finally, they imply every one of these Ukrainian girls are dying to leave her country and marry a western man or foreign man.

Having lived in Odessa Ukraine since April 2009, I feel I have a good grasp on the mentality and intentions of most Ukrainian girls. I've been studying human behavior and specifically focusing on the behavior and thought process of females for more than 16 years. I've conducted thousands of interviews and am proud to say I've become a person women trust.

That being said, I just finished a one-on-one speaking class with a 27 year old Ukrainian girl whose mind was closed and who insists all people and all Ukrainian girls in her community think and feel similarly to her. She told me she just cannot understand why any person would ever want to come here to find a wife or partner. Also, she has worked at a company which supplies crews for ships and vessels into Odessa and out of Odessa ukraine. She has seen large groups of men come to Odessa and ask her boss to help them find Ukrainian girls for the night, for the weekend, or for the duration of their stay in Odessa. As a result, she is convinced 99% of foreign men are coming to Ukraine with the idea of only having sex with pretty young Ukrainian girls.

I know this is not true, but you need to understand there is a percentage of people and a percentage of Ukrainian girls who feel this way. If you are in denial and believe all Ukrainian girls are pining for the opportunity to leave their friedns, family, and home country, you are going to find the going tough. You are going to spend loads of time, effort, energy, and tens of thousands of dollars only to be disappointed. Understand, the Ukrainian girls on the websites don't always have the best of intentions. On the other extreme, there is the 15% of Ukrainian girls who think guys just want sex when the come here. You need to find a Ukrainian girl in the middle. Keep this in mind when searching for your dream Ukrainian girl.