So, I have a wonderful young girl working with me. She is about 24 years old, Ukrainian born, but her father was born in a Muslim country. She lives with her brother, and her mother bugs her every day, trying to control her, and get her to do what mother wants and what mother thinks is the right thing to do. What this girl wants to do is to be around me, be inspired by me, and work with me to help the men that I am helping.
She has slept over a few times, but only as friends. And, now, of course, I have a crazy mother and brother visiting me this evening telling me that their crazy father is going to come after me if I don't back off of being with her. She is spending too much time over my house, and her behavior looks bad because she is half Muslim and...... so on and so forth. I am sure you have all heard this story before. Controlling parents, girl trying to rebel and figure out her own way in the world. Girl wanting to choose her own path in life and her own man.
So, yesterday, this Ukrainian girl started working for me helping me with my website. There is limitless amounts of work to do on my website and I need someone who can just sit there and do the work. Thank God she can. However, she needs to be near me to learn what she needs to do and how to handle various situations.
Well, this has not gone over well with her family because she has either been working at my home, attending English school, helping me with a client, or eating a meal with me. So, it was comical to see mother and little brother come into my home huffing and puffing looking for a fight.
When they entered, I had opera playing. I had slippers waiting for them to put their feet since it is polite to take off your shoes when entering someone's home in Ukraine. They tried the subconscious rejection of my offer - trying to show that they were here to be serious by saying "no" and not putting on any slippers. Fine, i noticed that.
Then, mother proceeded to tell me how her daughter's behavior looked bad, and even though she may be 24 years old, the reality is that she is just a little girl, like 10 years old. I calmly listened, and asked the mother a series of questions.
Do you feel that you have done a good job teaching your daughter? Answer, not great, but as good as I could.
Do you trust your own ability to make decisions? Answer, yes
If you trust your ability to make decisions, then I trust your daughter's ability to make decisions because she learned from you and if she wants to spend time here and with me, then I trust that she is making a good decision.
Mother's answer, 'well she is just a baby'.
I asked, 'do you know what I am doing here?'
I proceeded to explain that for the past 16 years I have been studying human behavior and the thinking of men and women. I also continued that there isn't anyone on the Earth that understands your daughter's thoughts and feelings better than I do. I continued that my intentions are positive here. I am trying to help people, and your daughter wants to be a part of something good. She wants to help others. Why is that bad?
Of course, mother continued about how bad this looks, etc, etc, etc. I never wavered, asked her if she were open to a new point of view, offered new points of view, and mother just continued to reiterate her points. She didn't know what to do with me because I never got upset, nor angry, no loud. She had never experienced an argument like that. However, I know that I did not change her mind. I did get her to agree with me, which she did not want to do.
The father wants to meet me, but the daughter doesn't want that because she doesn't trust him to behave in a rational manner. I have not even sold many books yet, or made much money yet and I have to deal with this type of drama??? Too funny and ironic. Well, lessons must be learned how to handle problems like these. This one will disappear soon enough, but there will be others. People always seem to find a reason to get upset, angry, or be jealous of something. Remember these words from my book, 84% of the planets people attack, defend, rationalize, justify, or blame other for problems.
16% of people have the courage to be honest with themselves and consider the possibility of taking responsibility for anything that happens wrong. I created this situation, now it is my job to diffuse the situation and learn my lessons from it.
I hope you enjoyed today's installment of Santa Barbara.